Lately there has been a shift in my spirit, a tugging like I have never really grasped before. The tug has become an overpowering desire to shed my current skin and begin anew, just as a snake sheds its skin.
But what is my skin?
Laziness
Gluttony
A few times a year I get a real itch and desire to change. More than just New Year’s resolutions, I make all year resolutions of which rarely ever avail. I want to be a better homemaker but I’m terribly lazy…. I will start on a new path and do well, and then when I fail- I give up. Giving up then leads to feelings of worthlessness, regret, shame, etc. I want to be healthy and fuel my body with the right kinds of foods but after a while I again fail and quit, which I then replace with high amounts of bad things for me because I feel worthless, regretful, shameful, etc.
It’s a vicious cycle with me…. I make a change and a commitment only to give up and quit. I have somehow managed to believe that I am incapable of change and that I am damaged or a perpetual failure…. and when I try and fail it only furthers that idea about me.
Just a little while ago after watching TV instead of doing my morning devotions and opting for no food instead of healthy food because it would have taken too long to make I had a realization about why I am the way that I think I am- SELFISHNESS.
I know I am selfish in many areas, but these 2 big areas of failure for me I never connected to selfishness. As a wife, a mom, a Christian woman I am called to homemaking (Prov 31:27 NLT- She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness). Of course I also work full time outside of the home- but many moms do and still have time to tend to the home where their family lives. They make the time. I do not, or at least not consistently…. I desire and long for the ability to take care of things and stop being lazy but I find myself perched on the couch watching TV instead of getting things done. Sure I know that bathroom is nasty and the kitchen is a mess, but I’d rather watch Netflix. Sure I have a huge pile of clean clothes sitting on the floor needing to be folded that I could easily do while I sit on my butt and watch TV but I’ll do it tomorrow…. seemingly always tomorrow.
Then it comes to health…another blatant area of selfishness. When I put certain foods into my body, my body has negative reactions that affect the people around me; from lethargy to digestion woes and smells I know what to and not to eat in order to be most efficient, but sometimes I would rather just eat crap because 1) I’m lazy 2) it tastes good, but mostly 3) I’m selfish. I know that I am called to keep my health in balance and yet I purposefully ingest things that do harm, I am dishonoring my temple that God has given me (1 Cor 6:19-20-Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body; 1 Cor 10:23-24- You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is beneficial. Don’t be concerned for your own good but for the good of others. ; 1 Cor 10:31- So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.).
So after sitting here and writing this out, I am asking the question…how do I banish a life lived selfishly thus far? How do I rid myself of these defects so that I may be the person I deep down want to be? How do I stop believing the lies that I am a failure so that I can succeed? The thing is-I can’t. But He can… John 5:30- By myself I can do nothing; I judge only as I hear, and my judgment is just, for I seek not to please myself but him who sent me. Phil 4:13- I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
I have unknowingly held onto the notion that I can change these parts of myself that I know I cannot. I need spiritual intercession to shed this skin. I need renewal and transformation of the mind. I need a fresh anointing and I have been looking everywhere except towards the giver of life! So as I sit in awe at a realization that is likely blatantly obvious to many, my hope rises. I’m not a failure, I just haven’t allowed the Holy Spirit to give me strength and change me into who I am called to be, at least not in all areas…but I am now willing.
The Message (MSG) version gives me the perfect response on how to give it up and allow the Lord to change me….
Place Your Life Before God
Romans 12:1-2 So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.
Now I am off to some in-depth study and prayer to let go and let God!
-Miranda Embry
The Righteous Woman Ministries 